What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
