Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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