Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sext me about skeletons
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
