Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
