I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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