so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
