so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize