she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
