I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
