i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Found the puke drawer
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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