we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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