return my video game
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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