I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
