Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
someone owes me an orgasm
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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