mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You don't make any sense
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