I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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