I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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