So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
