I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
