She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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