Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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