I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
