I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize