so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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