I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Two words: nipple clamps
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