Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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