I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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