its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
