Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
