I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
