I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
