Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
