ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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