dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
