i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize