Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
