Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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