and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
