My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
