You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
