Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
