So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
