Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the condom got lost in my hair
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
