Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
