The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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