I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I am available for nakedness
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
