This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
