Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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