spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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