he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
