I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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