there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
