And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
