SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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