My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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