Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
