I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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