there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
