so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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