If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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