Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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