waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
