so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
