It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize