break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
