i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
