I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
