did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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