Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
