you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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