thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize