Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
