I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
